How To Chill

for anyone triggered by The Program

When I was 15, I was sent to a religious reform school in the Dominican Republic where my friends and I were physically, emotionally, sexually and spiritually abused. By the time I got out two years later, I was, understandably, a complete wreck. I had to develop a system of self-care, one I’ve been relying on a lot lately because recently this new documentary about the troubled teen industry (TTI) called THE PROGRAM was released. I haven’t yet watched THE PROGRAM because I’m making final edits on my TTI memoir UNREFORMED, but a lot of people in my survivor community have been triggered. It’s all over my feed. I’m stressed because I know kids are still being harmed. The unluckiest ones are dying. Consequently I’ve been relying on a lot of tricks that I learned over the years to take care of myself. Hopefully, if you’re having hard times, whether you’re a survivor or not, this will help.

• Breathe— I know, basic AF, but focusing on how you breathe is really important. When I feel really scattered, I just sit and focus on counting in for 4, out for 7. I did that yesterday, just sat in my car, breathing in and out, until my head cleared. Changed my entire day. Another method I like is the box method, where you count in for 4, hold for 7, then release for 8.

• Unplug— Silence your notifications. Take a break from social media. Whatever it takes….only you can care for yourself.

• Eat Well— My grandmother taught me that you are what you eat, and she was right. Ultra-processed foods are bad for you. I love cooking and focus on eating simply. Lots of beans and rice or vegetables, with chicken and fish. I try to avoid sugar, including alcohol, but mainly moderation is key.

• Work Out—THE BODY KEEPS THE SCORE. Exercising helps me release trauma. I’m personally obsessed with barre, which is likely a weird form of trauma repetition, having people yell at me while doing high intensity exercise, but it works. I also love hiking and biking. I walk daily, usually multiple times, in part because I have a dog. I’m fortunate to be able to regularly practice yoga with Phelan LaVelle, but there are tons of instructors online.

• Nature Bathing— NPR has a nice sum up on forest bathing, where you chill your body out by spending time in nature. I spend a lot of time wandering the woods at the Sandy Creek Nature Center in Athens, Georgia, but am counting the minutes to an upcoming trip to the Georgia coast.

• Meditate— I basically started mediating a few years back by setting a timer and breathing for 3 minutes, working up to 7, then 12, then 15. Sometimes for longer according to how I’m feeling/ my schedule. I really like this book, HOW TO MEDITATE. Again, I’m no expert. I just know that it is super important for me to make time to turn the world off. Another thing I’d suggest is chanting to this, something I learned from Tina Turner.

• OTHER THINGS:

  • spend time with your favorite humans;

  • focus on your favorite activities (I love live music— the other night I saw my friends from CRACKER and AARON LEE TASJAN at the 40 Watt, I’ve also been reading and painting my house, which in its own way, is meditative);

  • Journaling/ therapy/ acupuncture are all good;

  • Mainly, just listen to your body when it tells you to rest.

• One last thing, if you are a survivor, and you find all this new information triggering, I highly recommend EMDR. It completely rewired my brain.

• How do you chill yourself out? LMK in the comments.

• One last thing, if you’re a TTI survivor, and you’re reading this, know, no matter what, that you’re a winner. They didn’t break you. You’re still here.

Recommendations:

READING: I recently published this interview with Iejoma Oluo. I’m also loving Esme Weijan Wang’s THE COLLECTED SCHIZOPHRENIAS and CJ Hauser’s THE CRANE WIFE.

WATCHING: Too busy but can’t wait to see Dune 2.

LISTENING: Aaron Lee Tasjan, also New Wave music from the 80s, aka, my elementary school roller skating jam, which is related to an UNREFORMED excerpt called Stress Position, which will be published in the summer edition of Action/ Spectacle.