Recently I spoke with Anna Gazmarian, author of the forthcoming memoir Devout: A Memoir of Doubt, which details in part how Gazmarian’s faith is challenged in the wake of a mental health crisis. I was interested in speaking with Gazmarian because I too was raised evangelical, but given that I was raised in a more extreme form of evangelicalism, known as Christian nationalism, I had no idea that our core problems with the church would be so similar.
Even though Gazmarian and I had radically different upbringings, in different eras (I’m Gen X, she’s millennial), we connected over the insanity of a faith which finds women responsible for keeping men from being tempted to sin. From an early age, evangelical women are told to be modest and to dress accordingly. If women attract the attention of men, it is viewed as their fault. For example, when I was growing up, I was only allowed to wear dresses, because I was told that men would be tempted if they even saw the outline of my crotch. I was eight when I was first taught this.
In Devout, Gazmarian’s mental health crisis is worsened due to this idea that women lead men to temptation, which also demonstrates how men are valued over women in the evangelical church. After a breakup with her boyfriend, her pastor pushes her out of her church, because she is viewed as being her ex’s “spiritual stumbling block.”
This incident reminded me of similar counseling I received in the mid-90s. After being stalked by a person with whom I had gone on two dates (one accompanied by a friend), I went to see a counselor at my evangelical university. The man in question had a history of violence towards women, but I was told I was at fault because I tempted him to sin. I remember sitting in a chair, staring at the counselor’s combover, and feeling so exhausted. That was the last time I went to see a faith-based counselor. Soon after I transferred to a public university in the south.
Later, when I interviewed Mona Eltahawy, author of The Seven Necessary Sins for Women and Girls, and she told me, “Patriarchy essentially says patriarchy will protect you, as long as you behave,” I thought of how I felt at nineteen, when I was blamed for being assaulted. Now I think about Anna in Devout, being told she is a stumbling block. In that same interview, Eltahawy goes on to critique how white women are treated in evangelical culture. It’s worth reviewing.
Gazmarian’s memoir goes on to detail her efforts to achieve mental stability. Devout offers a haunting portrayal, not just of the limitations of the church but also of society, in providing support for individuals facing mental health challenges. Devout: A Memoir of Doubt will be published on March 12, but you can pre-order it now.
My interview with Gazmarian will be published next month at Electric Literature.
Recommendations:
Reading— The Reformatory by Tananarive Due (!!!), The Undertow by Jeff Sharlet, Some Of My Best Friends by Tajja Isen
Listening— Legna by The Gaslamp Killer & the Heliocentrics
Watching— Feud: Capote vs. the Swans
Thank you, Deirdre. I enjoyed our conversation and appreciate your thoughts and ideas so much 💜✊🏽❤️